Warning: This is a long one, a bit emotional, but has a happy ending 🙂
Im gonna share a little secret. Since the day my mom passed away I’ve been writing/messaging her. Every day. Multiple times a day. I love to talk/write its just what I do, ive always been this way, its just my therapy. But since this happened ive not posted much publicly because honestly I just haven’t had the words. I still really don’t. But today I have a few that I’d like to share…
Today and Yesterday both I’ve been triggered to write because I’ve seen clients of my mothers posting about needing to find a new hairdresser… and I’d like to start this post by saying to all of you who see this that were clients of hers, I love you all, and im sorry that you have to find someone else now… if you would like some recommendations message me and ill gladly point you in the direction of someone who can take care of you. I have a handful of ladies whom I’ve known damn near all my life that mom has worked with/ been friends with and they each have their own unique styles and personalities and im sure either me or they can help you find the right fit 🙂
Now for the “long and emotional” part…
Im gonna share with you all a message that I wrote this morning to mom. The reason I’m sharing this publicly and not just to her like I usually do is because today I really fully came to the realization of why my mom loved what she did so much, why it was such a big part of her life and why she always said “you don’t choose hair life, it chooses you, you might think it was your choice but I promise you… Its just a calling” and today I just want to share some ♡ and #hairdresserappreciation!
Mom, I miss you so much… it comes in waves, and right now im surfing.
I know you won’t see these messages but I have to keep writing to you because i don’t know what else to do. Casie comented on one of my posts a few days after you passed expressing how I didn’t know really how to deal with my emotions and she said to me “just do what you do, don’t stop writing.”
So here I am… at 6 am… writing you again and wide awake with my heart in pieces because I seen one of your clients posting about needing to find someone to do their hair…
I know I’m the one who lost my mom… and im dealing with that, or im trying to…me and sis…and we are coping the best we can… honestly somedays it hurts so bad for a few seconds that I can’t breathe, but to be honest mostly right now, im just numb still.
But when I think of all the lives and heads you have touched with your hands… all the people who have been loyal to you throughout the years… when I think of them having to move on and find someone else to care for their hair it breaks my heart into a million pieces…
Tara and I talked about it the day you passed and she said “I know you lost your mom and its selfish of me in a way but not only was she my friend but katy, ive not let anyone else touch my hair in 20 years, how am I supposed to find another hairdresser? Me and your moms been through it, weve bonded, weve cried together, laughed together. Even when i moved to Pennsylvania she sent me the stuff to take care of my hair untill I got back for her to do it”
That really hit me, just like logging in and seeing one of your ladies post about needing to find a hairdresser in her area hit me… like a ton of fucking bricks…
Like I remember being a kid and you having one of your clients pass away and you being so sad and explaining to me how long you had been doing their hair and how many times they had sat in your chair and you bonded just talking about life.
You told me how with all your clients, you got excited to see them and got invested in their lives and even their family. How every 4-6 weeks you got to see these same people over and over again without fail… and how making them feel good about themselves made you feel good about yourself.
You were so much more than just a hairdresser Mom, you were like a fucking therapist for these people in a way. Because you were so empathetic and understanding and people could just talk to you, about anything at anytime and you were always there to listen. I witnessed it too many times to count… someone just sit down in your chair and you ask them “so how’s life since the last time i seen ya” and they would take a deep breath and just “blah blah blah blah” and you would stand there working your magic…fucking effortlessly might i add, while literally hanging on to their every single word. And even from behind the chair you’d still catch them in the mirror, make eye contact and show that you were indeed listening to them and they would continue….continue to tell you their entire life… trusting you with not only their hair… but their feelings, their hopes their fears, their disappointments, failures, heartbreaks, successes, accomplishments, sadness, their dreams, their secrets… everything…literally everything… and when it was all said and done… not only would they look absolutely fabulous… but they would… just feel better.
Mom you just made people better. You made them look better, you made them feel better… you just helped and touched so many people with your hands and with your heart that just thinking about it literally shatters me when I think about all the people who are also hurting right now and looking to fill that void… its not just about the hair… you were more than that to these people… you were a friend. And such a good one!
They are all going to miss you…
I miss you… I miss you so much right now that it physically hurts. This is the first time I’ve really broken down and cried alone, thats why I’m writing you again because I don’t know what else to do when I feel this way. I know its silly, I know you can’t read these messages but I have to get these words out somehow or I fear I might lose my mind. I feel so weak today, im stuck in a downward spiral of “whats ifs” , “i should haves” and “i wish i would haves”…. I know deep down my having dreadlocks all started as a way to claim my independence from you because you always did my hair and you refused to give me dreads. And so i was like “fuck it. Ill do it myself” … i know now that was just a part of me growing up and trying to be my own person… trying to be a rebel… whatever… acting like you lol… but God damn it mom its been 4 years since you touched my head and I’d give anything just to feel your hands back there again and hear your voice coming from behind the chair… id never have dreads again if it meant having you back to do my hair… id let you do whatever you wanted… all the crazy stuff id never let you do before that you wanted to try id do it… hell id walk around bald if it meant I could hug you just one more time…
I got to go now, ill write you again later, right now I just need to cry. I love you. I miss you. I hope you are happy and the view is beautiful, and I hope your hair looks fabulous ❤ please help me point your ladies and those few special men in the right direction because we all know if we pick the wrong person to do our hair youll haunt us 😜😘 air hugs shmily ❤
Now for the “happy ending”
I would like to thank my moms cosmetologist family and the women… the OGs at Looks Unlimited and all the beautiful ladies ive met over the years who have touched so many heads of hair and transformed so many lives… you ladies are true superheros, and I appreciate and recognize your services and think each and everyone of you are so very special. I have so many memories growing up, coming to work with mom and meeting all you crazy bitches lol. You are all so unique and wonderful! Too many of you to tag, but you know who you are 🙂
I would like to give very very special thank you to Danielle Lusher Cochenour and Lola for coming with me and my sister to help get mom ready for the funeral and make her look fabulous one last time. It takes a special person to do that, and having you 2 there just made perfect sense, you were the right ones for the job 🥰… Mom loved the both of you so much and I just know with all my heart she was there with us smiling and laughing helping us through it. Danielle, ive known you since I was a little girl, and ill never be able to put into words how much it comforted me having someone I knew and knew loved my mom there, and Lola, though I don’t know you as well because id moved out around the time you started at looks and you were closer with my sister, I can tell you that having you there meant as much to sis as having danielle there did for me ♡ we love and appreciate the both of you so so so much 💗 and Danielle please make sure Lola sees this 💖
So in closing… yall… thank your hairdressers. Appreciate them. And for God sakes tip them good because they deserve it 🙂