I Wish I had a better photo of our tattoos together but this is the matching tattoo I had with my mom. And This is a piece out of my morning journal. suicidepreventionandawareness “”Woke up missing you a bunch today… and i realized its the 12th anniversary of my attempted suicide when I was 16 that nearly took my life… if it wasn’t for you, … Continue reading Its been 12 years since I survived my suicide attempt.
Warning: This is a long one, a bit emotional, but has a happy ending 🙂 Im gonna share a little secret. Since the day my mom passed away I’ve been writing/messaging her. Every day. Multiple times a day. I love to talk/write its just what I do, ive always been this way, its just my therapy. But since this happened ive not posted much publicly … Continue reading Dear Mom
I am a recovering IV drug user nearing 16 months in my sobriety and I STRONGLY believe in HARM REDUCTION! The harm reduction coalition is an amazing group and what they are doing is saving lives and helping to prevent the spread of blood borne diseases associated with IV drug use. The simple truth is this… addicts who want to use are going to continue … Continue reading HARM REDUCTION
A year ago today I stuck a needle in my arm for the last time… It’s hard to believe 365 days have passed since that day. I almost cant believe it. Its strange… looking back I feel like theres no way in hell that much time could have passed… but at the same time… everyday felt like it lasted a life time. During active addiction … Continue reading 1 year sober
I talk to you guys a lot about my IV meth addiction because that was my most recent struggle. But years before I ever stuck a needle in my arm I was a binge drinking pill head… pills got too expensive and I ended up turning to heroin. This photo was taken on my 23rd birthday weekend. The first day I ever did heroin. I … Continue reading From bad to worse
Why am I up at 1 am working on stepwork? Because after a really great friggin day and evening with my husband and our friend watching standup and just hanging out… I layed down perfectly happy to go to sleep and before I started to drift… my mind started to wander… and 5 wrong turns later I found myself planning a “hypothetical relapse plan of … Continue reading Feeling Triggered? Take a STEP back… CHILL & process. Then proceed with caution.
Music is my saving grace… but tonight I experienced something I didnt expect. A song came on my playlist [ do I wanna know – arctic monkeys] because it used to be one of my favorite songs. I loooove the arctic monkeys… like love love love… and this song just so happened to be one of my favorites at a pretty dark time in my … Continue reading Musical Trigger
If you are one of my friends from my dope days and you’re reading this and still in active addiction ive got 3 things to say to you. Please understand where I’m coming from and know that I’ll never ever judge you… because I was there too. 1. Please Do NOT dm me asking to party, sell me drugs, looking for drugs, looking for a … Continue reading To all my friends still struggling with addiction:
Since I’ve hit my 5 month mark… I figured I’d share a bit of my progress. The top 3 photos are all taken last year from like jan – august top left is nye 2018 middle is at one of my lowest points…note trackmarcks and bruises on my neck… and the right top corner was taken the week before I decided to get clean. The … Continue reading SOBRIETY UPDATE – 5 MONTHS 2 DAYS 🙂
I’d like to start before this letter by stating first and foremost that I do not blame you guys, or any of your short comings for my addiction. Before reading this I need you to know that this, my life, where/how i ended up was NOT your fault. My choices and my actions were all my own. Secondly, I want you to know that I … Continue reading Dear Mom & Dad